How I Manage Feeling Depressed
In the past I’ve written about supporting loved ones with depression. But what I have never written about is my own depression. I tend to encourage vulnerability often yet sometimes I feel like an imposter because I rarely show it myself. I recently learned June has become Men's Health Awareness month and in the spirit of that and following my own advice, decided to share how I deal with mental health challenges. Since losing my dad to suicide, being open about mental health has become very important to me.
I am no expert on depression but for me, depression seems to come in two forms. Situational and Chemical imbalance. Situational is just as it sounds. A circumstance (death of a loved one, loss of a job, injury etc..) that saddens us. Chemical imbalance is when our body is not producing chemicals like serotonin that keep our mood and disposition balanced. In my adult life I have experienced both. Although I consider myself very fortunate that the chemical imbalance type of depression is rare for me, there are some days I wake up feeling sad and down for no logical reason. I can feel indifferent about life despite all of the things I am logically grateful for. The below is what has worked for me and merely that. I am not implying what works for me will work for others by any means. But I do hope that it is helpful for someone.
Dealing with situational depression
Since losing my Dad, I experience a form of situational depression around fathers day and his birthday. When I find myself in a situation that leads to depression, the first thing I attempt is perspective framing. Over the years I’ve exercised my empathy muscles by learning about and staying mindful of the challenges others face. In doing so, it has come to help me appreciate the things that in the past I’ve taken for granted. So when I feel down about a specific situation, I go through the inventory of what I am grateful for. For me personally, some of the things I am grateful for are:
-My health: I live a relatively pain free life
-My family: I have family that loves me and kids that look up to me
-My friends: I have a solid set of friends I can go to for support when needed
-Ability to support myself financially: I’ve been able to establish a rewarding career that is pretty stable
-Abundance of music and art available to me: I find meaning through art
The last one for example, I consider that when I was a kid I used to have to save $10 and ask my mom to drive me to Best Buy and get a CD. As someone that has loved music since I was young, it’s still literally amazing to me that I can listen to any song I want at any time. As trivial as that sounds, it’s small things like this that help me appreciate life. At the same time, I also understand the transient and unpredictable nature of life. While I am grateful for the above, I also have to be careful in the sense that my health and financial stability can change at any moment. So I can’t allow these things to be at the center of my source of gratitude. In times where something like my health is impacting me negatively, I consider that there are people without food and shelter at the moment. And I’m very fortunate to not have to wake up and worry about where I will get my next meal or sleep tonight.
Mindfulness Practices
Mindfulness practices have helped me significantly. In the last 3 to 4 years I’ve gone deep on understanding mindfulness and meditation. This blog would be too long to get into all the details, but in the simplest way, mindfulness means being in the “now” and not applying labels of “good” or “bad”, just accepting the moment as it comes. It means pausing your mind from drifting and transitioning from “auto-pilot” to the present. For example, as you’re reading this, consider what is bothering you right this-moment. Literally. Most likely, an annoying boss is not bothering you at this exact moment. The thing you are not looking forward to next week is not literally bothering you right this-moment. Mindfulness is tapping into your senses. What you see, hear and feel in this moment. Right now. Why meditation goes hand in hand is that routine meditation exercises can condition your mind to be able to do this. When I first started mindfulness practices, I couldn’t stop my mind from drifting. Now on average, I can either stop my mind from drifting, or I can let a negative thought pass without grabbing it and unboxing it.
Dealing with Chemical Imbalance Depression
There are times I feel depressed and I have no logical reason. I am fortunate that this only occurs a few times a year for me. But when it does, it feels horrible. The first time it hit me that I was experiencing this was in 2015. I was driving to my kids daycare to pick them up after my work day. Every time I picked them up, their faces would light up and they would run to me excited to see their dad. Normally this gave me a feeling of euphoria. But that day, I felt numb and indifferent. And I had no logical reason to feel that way. I had nothing bothering me at the moment. I just felt numb, empty and indifferent. It didn’t help that I felt like a terrible parent for feeling that way. There are a number of factors that can influence chemical imbalance. Sleep, diet and exercise are some of the significant ones. But sometimes when I inventory my recent habits, I know that my feelings are not a result of neglect there. And that can make me feel more helpless. In these moments, perspective framing does nothing for me. In fact, I feel critical of it and even make fun of myself for thinking I have any type of answers. I get into negative inner chatter. The mindfulness exercises help less because being in the “now” means feeling the pain that I feel in the now. So far, I’ve found one thing that has been somewhat helpful.
Seeing my depression as separate from me
When I view a wave of depression like a physical injury or fleeting illness (having the flu for example) it allows me to separate myself from what I am feeling. It reminds me that I am not a depressed person, I am a person experiencing a depressive episode. It’s the difference between viewing the external through my depression versus viewing my depression as external from my mind. It’s not easy though. At the worst, a depressive episode can embody me and it’s tough to snap out of it.
Sometimes I just have to wait
Similar to physical pain, sometimes there is nothing left I can do but wait for it to pass. But knowing consciously that just like my good moods and days are transient, so are my bad ones. And this helps me to remember that my depression is fleeting and reduces the risk of my mind spiraling and worsening. The other thing I find helpful is looking for ways to find meaning or extract some type of value from the negative. And in this mindset, I’ve come to appreciate the good days and even the mundane days much more after experiencing a bad day. Because when I feel at my worst, a monotonous pain free day sounds like a blessing.
Before closing this I want to acknowledge that many people suffer from depression every single day. And I realize I am very fortunate not to have to deal with such a challenge. While I cannot relate to daily chronic depression, I do have some loved ones that have to deal with it. And consulting a trained medical professional and utilizing medication has worked for many people that I know. I realize there are still stigmas and misconceptions that relying on prescription medication is a sign of weakness however I think being aware enough that you may need to look into medication is a strength itself.
